I left the ER early Tuesday morning diiscouraged that I was still in the same amount of pain despite multiple doses of Dilaudid and still without any answers. The discouraged feeling wasn't helped any at the site of my regurgitated pain pills on the side of the road on the way home.
The morning was ok. I got some sleep and was blessed by the company of one of my favorite people. You know I'm very much a do it myself, I don't need any help, independent kind of girl, but I found myself so thankful for the presence of my friends. They felt pretty helpless I am sure but they were comfort to me. They were something normal and unchanged.
Thanks to some great people that I used to work with I had an appointment that day with a surgeon. Heath and I went together with Pain. As much as I wanted to I couldn't seem to leave Pain behind.
So we sat and waited. Totally clueless as to what he would say. After all what could you do for a hematoma? Long story short there is no hematoma. There is a tumor. AND that tumor is a cancer. Ok....could be one of two kinds. Could be an adrenal tumor called a pheochromocytoma or it could be a stomach tumor called a GIST. What do you do with that information?
Well I will tell you what I did. I smiled and said thank you, got some lab orders and prescriptions and tried not to show any fear at all. Yep I am strong. I don't need any help. I can do everything myself.
Yeah whatever!!
So I mostly held in the tears all the way home and once I got home I couldn't get to my bed fast enough. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to research and think and I totally wanted to sleep. You might wonder what was going through my mind. Well the biggest boldest neon sign was the words ADRENAL GLAND TUMOR. You see, my dad who passed away after two terrible years of fighting lung cancer was in the end defeated by a metastatic tumor of unknown origin(aka result of either chemo or radiation) on none other than the ADRENAL GLAND. Oh and another thing my dad first went to the hospital because he coughed and suddenly had unrelenting pain. Then there was also the fact that my dad was first diagnosed about a week before thanksgiving. So many weird similarities. So many images and memories just flooded my mind.
So that was what crazy Cindy was doing. Eventually sane Cindy resurfaced and muddled through all that muck to what I know is the truth.
Truth: regardless of which tumor it is, the treatment is surgery. No chemo! No radiation! Just surgery. PRAISE GOD!
Truth: my dad and I share many similarities and though our destinies are the same, our journeys are different.
Truth: Romans 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If GOD is for us, then who can be against us? GOD IS FOR ME!
So I ended the day reflecting on the news. Still hating that C word but mostly I was just thankful. My phone was flooded with text message and emails, my kitchen was scheduled to be welcoming meals day after day, I had people offering help in countless ways, and I even had an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner. God is so good! I am unsure what lessons I will learn on this walk but I look forward to holding His hand while He leads me through whatever lies ahead.
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