Moving forward, choosing to see HIM

I'll start by apologizing for not posting this sooner.  Last week was a whirlwind of too much activity.   I have been trying resolutely but unsuccessefully to pick myself up ever since.  I thought I would be rejuvinated by the weekend but instead our hearts, and minds, and prayers are focused on our friends who I should really call family, as they face a mountain of unanswered questions and a test of faith. 
I realized this weekend that it is easier to be strong for myself but I feel weak and uncertain when faced with seeing others hurting.  I realize how helpless my friends and family must have felt these past several months.  I know this weekend I wanted to do anything and everything to help to ease the pain and burden and uncertainty that is engulfing my dear friends. 
I thank you all for bearing the weight of helplessness for me through my journey.   I truly had no idea. 

Our small group(a few are missing from the picture) has become our family.
 We are so blessed to call them our friends. 

So, as I pray for my friends I have had to remind myself that the same truths that held me up are true for everyone.   Our trials and the roads that we travel may be different but our God is Jehovah-Jireh, the Lord who provides. 

Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,
because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance.
Perserverance must finish its work, so that you may be mature and complete,
and not lacking anything. 
If any of you lack wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 
But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt,
because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the ind.
That man should not think he will recieve anything from the Lord;
 he is a double minded man, unstable in all he does.                                         ~James1:2-8

Blessed is the man who perserves under trial, because when he has stood the test,
he will recieve the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
                                                                                                              ~James 1:12

Last Wednesday Heath and I travelled to Iowa City to meet with Dr. Howe(surgeon/oncologist) to review the pathology and next steps following the surgery.  There was very little anxiety going into this trip, because the afternoon before, my friend and colleague was kind enough to send me a spoiler alert.   Dr. Cheema sent me a note saying "accessory spleen."  Diagnosis: weird girl confirmed. 



Before you shout, "I knew it!" (you know in agreement with the weird girl status), let me tell you the rest of the story.   The most important and exciting words on the path report were, negative for neoplasia or malignancy.  Praise God!  
Dr. Howe, however, was not quite so convinced with the rest of the report.  Specifically the mention of a possible accessory spleen.   He listed all the reasons he didn't believe this was the case.  They all made sense, but most convincing was the fact that there wasn't any evidence in the report to support it.  The rest of the pathology identified necrotic(aka dead) and inflammatory cells.  There was NO identifiable organ tissue to determine the origin of the tumor.  He described the surgery as a little bit on the stomach, a little bit on the pancreas, a little bit on the spleen, a little bit on the adrenal.  It was a puzzle. 

The ambiguity of the tumor, though not malignant,  produces a certain level of discomfort in my kind doctor.   What does that mean?  It means that he is unwilling to say goodbye to me just yet.  It means that for at least the next year, I will have labs and scans and office visits with him to in fact prove or disprove my weirdness.  Someone hand me the easy button please. 

Needless to say, you can imagine the relief and flood of endorphins that comes with such news.  Heath and I celebrated with 'Cindy illegal' food from scratch cupcakery, an americano, and a few moments to just sit and be.  To be people that no longer had this rock to lug around, to be boring again, to not have to think.  I felt lighter, giddy, smiling was easy, and yet at the same time I felt like bursting into tears every few minutes.  I was and still am overwhelmed.  God is good! 

Days like these call for CAKE!

On the way home, I continued to ponder all of the events of the past few months.  I am just in awe of how time after time, after time, God made His hand so obviously known.  Who has a tumor that comes back, DEAD?!?!  I turned to Heath and said, you know just because they can't or won't put God killed it on the path report, doesn't mean it didn't happen.  

So there you have it.  Confessions of a weird girl....

Our present sufferings cannot even be compared
with the coming glory that will be revealed in us.      ~Romans 8:18

Life is GOOD indeed!
Thank you for being the good in my life!