So last night after just not being able to write, and actually being tired I went to bed a t 9:30. I was annoyed with myself for not posting something and so I prayed. I asked God to wake me up at 2 if I really was supposed to get something out there. So around 2:20 I was wide awake and here I am now.
Initially I was going to write about how I cut off my hair and donated it. When my dad died over 5 years ago, I came up with two things that I could do to feel like I made a difference in the life of a cancer patient. Those two things were, running a race, and growing my hair so another could have it. I ran the race, actually I've run a lot of races. How did that make a difference? Yes some of those races were to raise money for different types of cancer, but I hardly believe my $30 went very far. No, running the races was my way of taking what I had recieved as a truth(you just cannot run distance), and saying "bite me!" Okay maybe not those specific words, but to be able to get out there and do it, I proved to myself that YES, I CAN! I want every person that is dealt the impossible to boldy proclaim IT IS POSSIBLE!
I can do all things through Christ who gives me stregnth. Philippians 4:13
So next comes the hair. I have never been one to have long hair, and once I decided to grow it I actually had it cut a few times only to start all over again. It wasn't quick, but I eventually had enough to donate. The problem however was that I was now very much attached to it. I liked my long hair. It was easy. It was pretty and made me feel that way. I didn't really need to give it away, and so I didn't. It has been long enough for more than 6 months, and I decided I'm gonna keep it. THEN...all of my tumor drama started. I have recieved so much in so many different ways. People I know and don't know are making sacrifices for me. I suddenly became very convicted to donate the hair. I wanted to, I needed to give back. My only other dilemma was when do I do it. Before or after surgery? I figured I didn't know when I would be able to drive myself or have someone take me, so I may as well get 'er done. Mini makeover = Happy Birthday to me!
My alarm just went off so I need to finish up here and head down the road to Iowa City, but I wanted to share just one more thing. Over the past two months, people have questioned how I do not freak out, stay so positive, be so confident that it is all ok, and so on and so on. My answer is that it is not me, it is HIM. My God, our God, and given me such a peace and a the absolute knowledge that I have indeed recieved His healing. That healing may not look like what you would expect, but He has indeed healed my body, spirit, and mind in so many ways. I find myself not knowing or being able to find the words to describe it. I feel like people hear me and think "she's on of those crazy Jesus freaks," and they may, but I wouldn't give Him up for anything in this world. I have example after example of how God has proven(not that He had to) his existence to me through all of this. Things that cannot be explained, or simply called coincidence. I want to share with you just one instance.
All of you know that I hoped for the surgery to occur before the new year for giant deductible sized reasons, but that was not the plan, and I know it will all work out. Shortly before the new year, on December 29th I recieved an email from my friend Cara in regards to a ministry she works for that I have had the privilege of being served by. The email said, we have an opening on Friday January 9th for a freedom session would you be able to come in? I knew instantly that this was God telling me the surgery date was not going to be before the end of the year, and that there was one more thing I needed to do.
I went to Wellsprings last Friday, but prior to this I had been praying for Dr. Howe and the surgery. When I would pray, I felt convicted to pray specifically for his HANDS. After I would pray I would have the same thought in my head, and it was, "I have ORCHESTRATED it all."
As we began in prayer on Friday, one of the team members shared a vision that he had about me. He said that he could see the operating room. He saw me lying on my side(which is the position I will be in) He saw the surgeon, and he saw Jesus. Not His face though, just his HANDS. He said that Jesus placed his HANDS over the surgeon's hands and they became one. He said he saw angels surrounding the scene and described it as a beautiful ORCHESTRA of song. I was utterly amazed at the words that he used, and knew full well that God had given him those words to show me that HE hears my prayers. It was like getting a great big hug or a fist bump from my heavenly Father. My heart is full.
That is my story, and I need to go get ready to leave now. I am so grateful for all who have met me along the way. I look at you as answered prayers. Here is a prayer my friend Cara shared with me last night.
1You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.
2You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.
5You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.
6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths,
All of you know that I hoped for the surgery to occur before the new year for giant deductible sized reasons, but that was not the plan, and I know it will all work out. Shortly before the new year, on December 29th I recieved an email from my friend Cara in regards to a ministry she works for that I have had the privilege of being served by. The email said, we have an opening on Friday January 9th for a freedom session would you be able to come in? I knew instantly that this was God telling me the surgery date was not going to be before the end of the year, and that there was one more thing I needed to do.
I went to Wellsprings last Friday, but prior to this I had been praying for Dr. Howe and the surgery. When I would pray, I felt convicted to pray specifically for his HANDS. After I would pray I would have the same thought in my head, and it was, "I have ORCHESTRATED it all."
As we began in prayer on Friday, one of the team members shared a vision that he had about me. He said that he could see the operating room. He saw me lying on my side(which is the position I will be in) He saw the surgeon, and he saw Jesus. Not His face though, just his HANDS. He said that Jesus placed his HANDS over the surgeon's hands and they became one. He said he saw angels surrounding the scene and described it as a beautiful ORCHESTRA of song. I was utterly amazed at the words that he used, and knew full well that God had given him those words to show me that HE hears my prayers. It was like getting a great big hug or a fist bump from my heavenly Father. My heart is full.
That is my story, and I need to go get ready to leave now. I am so grateful for all who have met me along the way. I look at you as answered prayers. Here is a prayer my friend Cara shared with me last night.
1You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.
2You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.
5You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.
6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths,
you are there.
9If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”
12even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I AM STILL WITH YOU.
Psalm 139: 1-18 (NIV)
9If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”
12even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I AM STILL WITH YOU.
Psalm 139: 1-18 (NIV)
Immanuel, God with us
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