I haven't posted in a week or so, but I have been busy touring various medical facilities in the area. I joke that my friend Sandi and I are on tour and should have shirts made. She is my trusty designated driver and is quite astute at pulling over in an instant for her occasionally incapacitated passenger. I hope she doesn't get a complex about her driving, but I do seem to puke every time we go somewhere.
My first endoscopy was two weeks ago. This procedure went beautifully, well everything except for results. The staff at Trinity was fabulous! The afternoon was filled with so much laughing, visits by old friends and colleagues, and of course propofol. It is definitely the way to be sedated. When I woke up I was awake. Like really in my normal state of mind. I picked up my pictures and immediately got back to work asking questions and forming my own differentials and plans.
So what was the bad part? I wouldn't call it bad exactly, it is just that the procedure did not get us any further in solving this puzzle. A GIST was ruled out, but now the mass appeared to be on my pancreas. Okay...What do you do with that? I will tell you where my brain went. Crazy! Pick any other organ in the body to tell me I have a tumor but whatever you do don't say pancreas. That is a scary organ and a scary word. It is something that I have feared since I was a teenager.
The P word earned me a trip to The University of Iowa.
The big black tennis ball looking circle over my left kidney is the tumor.
Before I go on I must share some God moments with you. First off the people that were there to take care of me, from the intake nurse with the funny name, to my friend Angie assisting in the procedure, to my friend and doctor, Dr Cheema, everyone was so kind, and treated me as Dr. Cheema put it as, "a VIP." When I pointed out my lack of "VIP" status in Iowa City he picked up his phone and got me an appointment the very next day. This pancreas fear/paranoia that I have had for years stems from other people's stories and tragedies. Satan was using that fear as a foothold to make me doubt and fear and lose that peace that God had graced me with. All I needed was time alone with Him to find my way back into His presence and His promises.
Psalm 56:3 When I am afraid I will trust in you
Psalm 112:7-8. He will have no fear of bad news his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear.
2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power, of love, and of sound mind.
The next day Heath and I were Iowa City bound. We were meeting with a doctor that agreed to see us on a Friday night after he was done with all of his other patients. Now, every doctor does things a little different, and you never know what to expect. If I had to sum up Dr. Johlin in one word, it would be thorough. After the most thorough history and exam and then further consultation with radiologists we did not leave there until just before 7 o'clock. The hallways were dark and there was only one cheerful staff member waiting for us to check out. We left with good news, Dr. Johlin did not believe this was a pancreatic tumor and he had a list of 3 or 4 other possibilities. All of those were what he called low grade neoplasms. Praise God! Next stop, biopsy.
Psalm 66:5 Come and see what our God has done what awesome miracles he performs for his people.
Psalm 31:24 Be strong and take heart all you who hope in the Lord.
Monday was biopsy day. My kiddos were being taken care of by two amazing friends, and Sandi and I were off for the next stop on our hospital tour. Again the experience was incredible! I am in awe of the number of kind, gentle people I have encountered on this journey.
I have to pause and tell a funny story. Here I am so grateful that The University of Iowa has honored my VIP card and allowed me to use my Disney fast pass to skip to the front of the line, and I appear to blaspheme the Hawkeyes right there in the waiting room. I brought a blanket that I am making for Patrick, thinking I will have lots of wait time to work on it. The blanket is red and yellow! I am sitting in the waiting room deep in Hawkeye territory and I pull out a blanket that would make any Iowa State Cyclone fan proud. There was a gasp from the lady sitting across from us, but thankfully it was just appreciation of the blanket and not shock. I did however feel the need to state loud enough to be overheard that I am a Hawkeye fan and the blanket is a Harry Potter thing not a Cyclone thing. Good grief what was I thinking!
Back to the procedure room I went, completely prepared and calm. I had just done this same procedure a few days ago. The calm dissipated a bit when I arrived in the procedure room and realized there would be no nice anesthesia man with propofol this time. Instead I had been set up on a blind date with Versed and Demerol, two unsavory ruffians. They walked in and my memory,walked out. It didn't come back until Wednesday. I have only tiny glimpses of Monday afternoon and Tuesday. I am thankful for all who helped me during that time. If only I could remember...
So here I am a week later. The biopsies really didn't tell us anything diagnostic, but they also didn't tell us anything dreadful. I am thankful. I have an appointment Wednesday with the chief of surgical oncology at the university, and from there I anticipate we will finally have a plan to bid farewell to the tumor.
I think about the last month and it has been a wild ride, ups and downs, an emotional roller coaster. From another vantage point though I think WHAT A WILD RIDE!!! To see God's hand at play in your life, to know that His breath is breaking down barriers, to sit at His feet in the morning and hear Him tell you that you are His and that He loves you, that is the wildest, most awe inspiring, amazing ride I could ever hope to be on. What is so cool is that it's not just for me. Everyone has the Disney fast pass for this ride. All you need to do is get in line. There is no waiting.
James 4:8 Come near to God and He will come near to you
Acts 20:24 However I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me. The task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.
Life is a cornucopia. Full of abundant good things.
Here's a few of the GOOD things I have been blessed with.
Chocolate covered cherries from Sandi
AND Kristi knows one can never have too many friends. Could life get any better?!??
Beautifully written! Thank you for sharing your story and reminding us that abundance of offered to all who will step in line!
ReplyDelete